Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Mrs. I don't want to always be right

You know the joke that goes: "When I married Mr. Right I didn't know his middle name was Always."

Okay so I'm not terribly original but the sentiment is the same.  I wanted to be right about this but not always. What did I want to be right about, but not this time, you ask?  Well it's complicated. Someone I know made a decision that set my alarms off.  I just knew it was not going to work out. But my sensible voice kept telling me to butt out and let this responsible person make their own decisions. Yes the other side was going to show it's ugly face any time but I was convinced that expressing my concerns would only serve to alienate us from each other and that when the tide turned we needed to be close.

So here I am close to a heart broken person who is trying to pull it back together. I know with fair certainty that this too will pass still my heart is broken too.

We reach a certain age and the desire to care for others drives us to do things that we never imagined we would ever do. If you had asked me as a kid to sit at a dying persons side for days in a row reading to them. I would have begged you to not make me. But I've done that and would not have missed a minute of it for the world. If you showed me a picture of my dear husband when he was a teenager and told me we would be a happy old married couple someday, I would have laughed. As a young athletic person in my twenties if you had told me that someday I'd be so weak that I'd sit and ask for help for the slightest thing willingly, that would have been the fight of your life.

Still even in these moments when everything I once believed to be true turned out to be figments of my over active imagination. Still in those kind of moments I see that I was driven to be there in that place at that time. Because someone is/was going to need me or need something I can/will do for them. Being there for someone includes sharing some of their heartbreak. I'm not good at quoting scripture very accurately. I'm always forgetting the chapter or verse numbers. "Jesus wept.."

Does this all sound like I'm thinking that I am Wonder Woman.  Nah I'd never wear that short-boot combination. 

So maybe I'm Mrs. Never Right? Or perhaps Ms. Sometimes Right.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

30 days of thankfulness

Inspired by my dear husband I have been posting 30 days of Thanksgiving on my Facebook page.  One thankful item per day since the first of November. This is more difficult than it sounds.  Being a person who generally has a sarcastic and somewhat negative point of view. Oh and that tendency I have to be a tad forgetful. So here I am on my blog complaining about having to be thankful for 30 days. "That there is what you call ironical." It's not that I'm not genuinely thankful for many things. It's that I don't tend to think about them much. I could create a log of my 30 days here.  But I think that would be a little redundant. I could insert here an explanation of each item I am thankful for. Boring!

There is actually a deeper explanation to my personal failings at being thankful "out loud and public". I call it the dropped shoe syndrome. If I admit out loud that something good happened to me or that I perceived that something was good then either the good will end,  stop happening or worse yet, the good will be horribly reversed. See I told you I was negatively wired.

There is a bright side to all of this.  I have in the past few years "seen the light of my ways" and am attempting to correct this engrained response to good things. Now that's something to be thankful for!

This blog has been an experiment in voice recording. I wanted to put in that disclaimer, so I guess I'm grateful for the technology that allows me to record my "brilliant" thoughts while driving, because of course that is when I have them. And yes I know texting and driving are not safe. A. This is blogging, not texting. B. I'm using a voice recording system which allows me to keep my eyes on the road and my hands on the steering wheel. Still the results are not terribly satisfying as the voice recognition software does not include punctuations. So I have to go back and manually enter appropriate punctuation.  Guess that's the down side to this good thing.

Back to my thirty days of thanksgiving. Do you have any idea how hard it is to take a negative thing and find the thanksgiving in it? Seems like ever since I decided to follow dear Husband's lead, I've had a series of personal issues come up that are hardly what I'd call thanksgiving material. Two or three health issues, an overly emotional bit of news/drama from a difficult family member and the usual litany of automotive and financial concerns. Combined with my native lack of talent in the "joyful living" category and you have a perfect recipe for a certain lack of thankful. Not that I'm some kind of emotional vampire. (Those known for sucking the joy out of every room.) It's just that happy/happy is not my first thought in any given situation.  I'd be really identifying my age group if I started throwing around hints like I'm not exactly the Doris Day type.  Now here is where you're expecting me too insert a line about how I have found a way to do that little turn a frown upside down trick. But I'm not going to. Because I don't have one. I just sit there starring at my screen and the words don't come. Which cleverly brings me back to my voice recording experiment. See my best ideas come during my often silent drive to work each day. Problem is, by the time I reach the office, where I could safely write those clever thoughts down, they have vanished. Solution = Voice recorder.

Thinking now that I actually have a good reason for creating a side list of those nearly thirty thankful things. But that's another blog.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Blogger Boy

My husband is a Blogger. Well actually he is a Theological writer or more like a commentator. Problem is he doesn't really blog. He posts on FaceBook, often really long replies to a friend(aka fellow theological commentator(s).
He also occasionally tweets, I use to joke that I had tweeted more on my first day on Twitter than he had to-date.  I'm told it's happening more often these days.
I went so far as to set him up with a Blogger account and instructions on how easy it was to use. Still he goes on posting everywhere else.
Why does this bug me?
Maybe like the man who wants to solve a woman's emotional problem with an easy fix. I want to solve the problem of gathering my dear husband's moments of brilliance in one location for posterity with an easy fix.
The difficulty is, and he would agree with me on this, not all his observations are all that brilliant. So someone looking to gather his brilliance posthumously could get discouraged bouncing around and scrap the whole project.
Why am I thinking about this?
Lately in terms of thinking about my husband I think about what I would do without him. Oh he is quite alive! Even healthy for a slightly over 50ish male. But I'm not and as my medical drama continues I think about how important to my life he is and I start to worry about a world without him. And then I start to try and organize things so he will be remembered for his brilliant contributions.
That's just how my twisty brain works.
Now mind you, it's not that his theological point of view is all that the world would want to remember. After all he is also an Astro Physicist. Known for his skills in writing computer code to run complex mathematical statistical studies that have been successfully translated into use by both the business and public service arenas. He is also a skillful teacher. Capable of keeping his students attention while translating this complex stuff for their understanding.
I don't want to give anyone the mistaken impression that my dear husband is some kind of mental super man. He hasn't got the common sense God gave little green apples at times. But I believe that's because God gave me double doses of it personally. And that brings me back to explaining how closely we fit together.
Have you ever built one of those particularly complex puzzles? You know the ones where the picture is a jumble of images split amongst tiny, multi-sided, irregular pieces. Yet when you click two of these seemingly unrelated pieces together you stop while holding those two pieces and think how beautiful this little bit is. If you met us when we were in our late 20s you would not think us ideal companions for life. Believe me our families and friends did not think so. Well my family and friends. Well at least the vocal ones.
So here I stand facing down the 27th anniversary of our wedding thinking about Blogger and blogging.

It turned out some other folks thought my husband ramblings belonged in blog format and as of today he is published in two places.
http://insidetechtalk.com/techfail tied-solar-storm-activitu/, and a SAS blog which I can't find the location for. Plus he was published in Crain's Detroit in May. http://www.crainsdetroit.com/article/20130512/NEWS/305129987/#. But those are other blogs.