Monday, May 31, 2010

What do we want to remember

My ex-Sister-In-Law passed away last week. It's been about 15 years since I last saw her. While recently I've reconnected with my Niece and Nephew via FaceBook and even friended her just a little while ago. It's just that we have not really had any opportunity to have that sort of sit down conversation you always wish you could have had with someone who has passed. That kind of closure in a relationship that you kind of want with everyone. Not that we really had any bad blood at the end of her 22 year relationship with my Brother. That was their issue and truth be told I would have done just what she did. Well at least 85% of what she did. We all have our own methods of responding to personal injustices. Most likely knowing myself as I do, a man in my Brother's situation with a woman like myself would have at least had some violence inflicted on him.

Now the point of this ramble was not what happened back then it's how I feel about closure or more specifically missing closure. Pieces of the Carpe' diem theory would have you believe that if you are truly living your life correctly that you will not have any missed closure moments. Because you will have had all those needed conversations. We all know that is pure bull-Twinkies. Everyone has awkward moments when they choose not to talk through an issue with someone they care for. Weather it is because they don't want to face the inevitable conflict or because at that very moment they just don't have the right words. Sometimes it's because you think everything is going along swimmingly and it is not until you get to the end that you realize that you've missed something important. By then you cannot get back with the person in question and eventually time closes that gap leaving you feeling that this too will pass.  Until the day comes when you absolutely cannot get a do-over. Life has handed me a couple of interesting post too late for do-overs which would be interesting stories to tell some other time.

Wish I could say I've come to terms with this lack of closure but that funeral is just a day away so I have not finished walking through the grief yet. Maybe some other time. Hopefully soon.